Medical report
Following today’s news that Jeremy Clarkson was diagnosed with prostate cancer last year, I thought I’d update you on my own medical situation.
Spoiler: nothing to be alarmed about.
A few months ago, following an MRI scan, the result of which was ‘indeterminate’, I was advised to have a biopsy on my own prostate. That took place in April and two weeks later I was summoned back to hospital to be told that the result of the biopsy was also ‘indeterminate’, which was better than I anticipated because, when the nurse rang and asked me to come in the following morning to be given the result, I was expecting something worse.
I didn’t write about it at the time because I didn’t want to over-share, but I can reveal that the biopsy was … uncomfortable. The nurse took samples from my prostate using what felt and sounded like a staple-gun. In total she took around 25 samples, double the number I was expecting, but I think that was because of its enlarged size.
My reward following my biopsy in April.
The funny thing was, as I lay there with my legs apart, resting on stirrups, she tried to take my mind off things by engaging in casual conversation, and the first question concerned my occupation. There’s never a good time to reveal to a health professional that you lobby for smokers’ rights, but lying on your back in hospital, naked apart from a thin gown, while a nurse is exploring your nether regions with a sharp implement, is arguably the worst.
Despite that we had a rather enjoyable chat, although I remember clenching my buttocks and wincing several times as she wielded her tool. It turned out that both she and her colleague in the room were former smokers, so I told her I had been on local radio that very morning discussing smoking on hospital grounds. We talked about that, and other things, and it was certainly a welcome distraction from what was going on down below.
Meanwhile a CT scan in March detected a polyp on one of my kidneys but, based on another MRI scan I had in April, it appears to be benign. It’s a bit difficult to know, though, because there is currently nothing on my medical records to suggest that the scans or biopsy ever took place which is annoying because I need the information to update my insurance company in order to get medical insurance to travel abroad.
Based on the information that has been communicated to me verbally, and the fact that I have no further tests or scans lined up, I have nevertheless completed an online form and my existing insurance company has quoted an additional £119. I also investigated taking out a new policy with another insurance company and the quote was in excess of £500. Goodness knows what the cost would have been had my scans or biopsy revealed something worse than ‘indeterminate’ or ‘benign’!
Peterborough City Hospital where I had MRI scans in March and April. Unlike my local hospital, which is a ‘smoke-free zone’, City Hospital has a rather pleasant smoking area with benches and cigarette bins. Why can’t all hospitals be like that?
