Ode to joy and entertainment

Arsenal yesterday celebrated the club’s first Premier League title since 2004. A parade in north London attracted hundreds of thousands of supporters, and good luck to them.

I remember going to watch a similar victory parade after Chelsea won the Premiership in 2005. I took my son, who was eleven at the time, and we waited patiently at Parsons Green in Fulham for the two open-top buses to arrive.

When, finally, the buses appeared, edging forward very slowly, thousands of supporters rushed across the Green and in the chaos and confusion I ‘lost’ Ruari for what felt like five minutes, although it was probably less. Either way, it was one of those nightmarish parental moments you don’t forget and it was a huge relief when, a few minutes later, I caught sight of him as the crowd around me dispersed and moved on.

Anyway, the reason I mention this is because supporters at yesterday’s parade in north London would have had even more to celebrate had Arsenal also won the European Champions League for the first time in the club’s history on Saturday. Instead, as you may know, they lost on penalties after the final against Paris Saint-Germain finished 1-1 after extra-time.

No shame in that. PSG were the holders and are currently considered the best team in Europe, and therefore the world. The match, however, featured much that is wrong with modern football - the men’s game, at least - and although I normally want English teams to win European titles, regardless of domestic rivalries, it was hard to have much sympathy for an Arsenal side that failed to build on a slightly fortuitous early goal, had less than 30 per cent possession, and essentially ‘parked the bus’ with what appeared to be the sole aim of stopping PSG from scoring.

No-one wants to get hammered (as Inter Milan were when losing heavily to PSG in last year’s final), but Arsenal’s lack of attacking ambition was pitiful. Equally disappointing was the time-wasting, including frequent petty fouls designed to disrupt the game, that began in the first half and continued throughout the match. Returning from abroad, I listened to the first half on the car radio (before watching the rest of the game on TV) and even the British commentators on Five Live were talking about it.

Arsenal fans may disagree but their club didn’t deserve to win so I was quite pleased when PSG won on penalties because sport (even professional sport) should be about more than just winning. There should be some joy in winning too.

Which brings me to the women’s World Sevens Football (W7F) tournament that was played at Brentford’s Gtech Stadium in London over three consecutive days last week, with the semi-finals and final on Saturday. W7F was launched last year with two editions – the first in Portugal in May, the second in America in December. This, then, was the third such tournament, although ‘World’ was a bit of a misnomer because all eight teams were from the English WSL (Women’s Super League).

A privately-funded enterprise independent of the leading football authorities, teams of seven play two halves of 15 minutes on a small-sized pitch with rolling substitutions. There is no offside so the pace of the game is quick and there are a lot of goals, much like the indoor five-a-side I played as a teenager or the football currently played by under 11s on smaller outdoor pitches.

Now, I’m well aware that aspects of the tournament – notably the pre-match ‘walkouts’ in which players and teams devise increasingly elaborate ways to introduce themselves to the crowd – have been derided by some as unserious and even a retrograde step for women’s football. But they are missing the point because women’s football, especially at club level, has to sell itself to a new audience and from what I saw (watching online) the W7F was hugely entertaining, and enjoyable, for both the crowd and the players. Even the referees and coaches got into the spirit of the event.

I’m obviously biased because Chelsea Women (who I support) won the event, beating Manchester United 6-5 in the final, having come from 4-1 and 5-4 behind to score the winning goal with just 30 seconds of the 30 minutes remaining. But the joy on the pitch and in the stands was obvious to all, and isn’t that what sport should be about? How often though can you say that about men’s football?

As for the new generation of ‘fans’, I don’t recognise some of the spectators who currently watch top teams like Arsenal, PSG or even Chelsea. During big matches the cameras might zoom in on some glamorous looking fan who will dance around (for the benefit of the TV audience) before returning to their smart phone.

Alternatively, if their team has lost, some ‘fans’ can be seen crying. FFS! I don’t know any true fan who cries when their team loses, unless they are so used to winning the sense of entitlement leads to a display of petulance reminiscent of Violet Elizabeth Bott. Genuine football fans (in Britain at least) are generally so stoic that the loss of a match – even a cup final – will be met more often than not with a resigned shrug followed by a pint in the nearest pub. There are exceptions to this but that’s the rule, or it should be.

To be clear, I am not suggesting that World Sevens Football can be compared to a Champions League final, but after watching football for almost 60 years I know which of the two events (in Brentford or Budapest) I enjoyed most – and it wasn’t the match in Hungary.

See also: There is cynicism about the World Sevens — but this is why women’s football needs it (The Athletic)