Brief encounter

Mobile phone rings:

"Hello."

"Is that Simon Clark of the smokers' group Forest?"

"It is."

"I've been trying to get hold of you. I'm a smoker. Where is your office?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Where is your office?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm a journalist."

"Who do you work for?"

"I'm a freelance journalist."

"Are you calling as a smoker or as a journalist?"

"I'm asking the questions. So you won't tell me where your office is? Is it in London?"

Freelance journalist? My arse!